Crazy Antics
by jennb28
Summary: House and Cuddy's run-ins on an everyday basis.


A glimps into the crazy, every day motions House and Cuddy endore with each other. Feedback :)

BANG! Cuddy slammed the door to exam room 2.

"Good lord Cuddy, I'm crippled! Can't you find a more gentle way to wake me up, or here's a better idea…Don't wake me up!"

"House, do you realize that you owe me 15 hours of clinic duty?"

"Of course I do, I just choose not to let it bother me."

"House look at me!"

"Are you naked?"

"What?"

"You know the state where people tend to not be clothed…"

"House I don't have time for this. If you're going to be in here, at least see patients. "

House hoisted himself off of the exam table and turned towards Cuddy. He gave her a lingering look over and as usual she was looking mighty fine.

"How bout Selma and Louise be my patients? I'm sure they will very much enjoy the exam, shoot I already know what's wrong with them, claustrophobia run in the family?"

"Why do you do this to me?"

"Get you all hot and bothered?"

"No, you bother me, yes, but as for the hot part, not so much." Cuddy stood a little taller after that line as to prove her point to him.

"You know, the nurses know this is where I sleep, they will start to think we are doing stuff in here that shouldn't be done unless in the comfort of your office." House wiggled his eyebrows at Cuddy.

"Never in my office, never with you. And as for people talking, they already do thanks to you and your god forsaken ego!"

With that, Cuddy left the exam room but not before House could squeeze in one more line.

"You know you love my ego!" He looked at a nurse passing by. "I mean the one that Beyonce sings about."

"House!"

House turned away from the familiar voice that was chasing after him and cut into the men's room. Cuddy paused outside the door contemplating whether or not to go in. Sighing she pushed open the door praying that House was the only person in there.

"House."

"Cuddy if you keep coming into the men's room, people will start to believe the rumor that you are a transsexual."

"There is no rumor. Furthermore, Mrs. Henderson wants to know why her husband wants a divorce! Care to explain?"

"Not at all."

The door opened as a male nurse walked in and seeing Cuddy, immediately turned to walk out.

"I am so sick of cleaning up your mess, go talk to Mrs. Henderson and explain to her what you told her husband!"

"How come every time you yell at me it gets me all hot? When I yell at you does it have the same effect? Maybe it's the low cut top that gets me going, or maybe it's your sexy badonka…"

"HOUSE! Shut up!" Cuddy started to walk towards the door.

"Okay, but how do you expect me to talk to Mrs. Cheater-Cheater Pumpkin Eater with this hard rock in my pants?"

Cuddy stopped and turned around to glare at him.

"I mean it Cuddy. A rock flew up my pant leg while I was on my bike, I can't seem to get it out and it's bugging my."

"Deal with it, and get rid of the stupid death trap." House watched Cuddy leave the men's room, that butt sure could put a rock in anyone's pants!

House walked into Cuddy's office.

"What do you want?" Cuddy didn't take her eyes off of her computer.

"How'd you know it was me? You didn't even look up."

Cuddy raised her eyebrow at her screen, "Your third leg."

"You can sense little Greg from all the way over there? Geez you must be on red alert."

Cuddy glanced up at him, "You're an ass, and I meant your cane. Again, what do you want?"

House took a seat on the love seat in her office and propped his legs on the coffee table. "Just wanted to drop by and see how my Cuddles' is doing."

"First off, I'm not your anything except your boss, second of all I know for a fact that is not why you are here. Your patient went into cardiac arrest ten minutes ago."

"Oh my goodness, that is awful I wonder what's wrong with him." House gave Cuddy a shocked look to go along with his sly comment. "I want to do a brain biopsy."

"No."

"No?"

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"House!"

"Cuddy!"

Cuddy slammed her computer shut and looked at him.

"Why do you want to do a brain biopsy?"

House looked at her as if she had two heads. "Isn't it obvious? I want to add a tiny piece of his brain to my collection of tiny pieces of brain to ultimately make one big brain!"

"House, he has a collapsed lung, a failing liver, and bad breath, what makes you think that the problem is in his brain?"

"No time to explain, just sign the paper please." Cuddy sighed, took the paper and signed off for the biopsy.

"You owe me big time House."

"Dr. Cuddy."

Cuddy tried to ignore the beast of burden fallowing her to the elevators leading to the parking lot.

"Cuddles wait! You can't enjoy your elevator ride with out your main attraction!"

Cuddy pressed the down button willing the doors to close. Just when she thought she was safe, the cane appeared and pushed the doors open.

"Why can't you leave me alone for once in your life?"

"And miss a chance to check out 'dat ass'? No way!" As he said this he pushed her slightly forward to check her out.

"House, you don't get to check out the goods without permission."

The elevator door opened and they stepped out. When Cuddy started to walk towards her car she felt a slap on her rear end.

"You didn't say anything about touching."


End file.
